Remembrance
by Kodokunatsuki
Summary: After the Soul Society goes back to normal, Momo reflects on the events of the war and what has followed since. No romance, maybe some MomoXShiro if you squint.


I never really liked Momo. She seemed kind of a simple character to me. But when I took a closer look at her, I realized I could relate to her. The idea for her tattoo came from myself. I wrote 'No One Stands on the Sky' on my hand in permenant marker one day, for no apparent reason, and it stuck. This is my first published fanfiction, and it just ended up being this story. So, let's see how it goes!

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Fighting was the easy part. In battle, everything was black and white - kill or be killed. I didn't have to dwell on anything - in fact, I couldn't. But afterwards, that's the hard part. When you're lying in bed, trying to recover, your mind has too much time with which to think about recent events - and how you ended up in that bed to begin with.

I can still remember that look of absolute hatred on Toshiro's face as he drove his sword into me, and the look of utter despair when he realized what he'd done. I say I've forgiven him, and I have - for cutting me. But I think about that hatred, and, of course, who it was directed at.

Captain Aizen was everything for me. I would follow any order, cling to every word that fell from his lips, take a sword point or worse without hesitation for him, and be glad. And he ran his sword though my chest.

But I still loved him - still do, even now, when I see the pain he has caused all of those around me. Something that strong doesn't disappear so easily. I hate myself for it, but I can't stop it. And I hate that Toshiro could feel that much hatred, and that I was the reason behind it.

For the first week after I woke up, I just lay in my hospital room, my heart and mind empty. And then Izuru and Renji came to visit me, and tell me what had happened. I could see sadness in both their eyes. And I remembered that I was still a lieutenant, and if Izuru and Renji and Hisagi and Rangiku and Toshiro could lead their companies in spite of their pain, then I should, too. I felt so tired, but I worked up my courage and my strength and left the hospital a week later.

I decided that I wouldn't let Captain Aizen influence my actions anymore, although I only removed the title when speaking about him to someone. In my mind, he would always be 'Captain Aizen'. But I wanted one thing before leaving the past and moving on.

When I got out, I went to see Hisagi. I figured he would be the most understanding. I asked him to tell me what Captain Aizen had said as he had left the Soul Society. I wanted to know what his words were. Hisagi didn't protest, or ask any questions, or try to dissuade me, like anyone else would have. He just told me quietly, then patted my shoulder and walked away. I just stood in that spot for a few minutes, then turned and walked to my fifth division.

I don't know whose idea it originally was, but Head Captain Yamamoto suggested that I take a vacation away from the Soul Society for a couple of weeks before resuming my command. I went to Tokyo, in the world of the living. The endless numbers of powerless humans who knew nothing about me, the sheer obscurity of it, actually helped me to feel better. There was no sympathy in their eyes when they looked at me, no conversations stopped when I entered the room, no one humored me or fussed over me.

On my third day there, I passed a tattoo parlor while wandering around and entered it on an impulse. I got a simple tattoo, a phrase of my own choosing in delicate, curving black English on the inside of my upper arm. Just a piece of sentimentality and remembrance, something I could always carry with me, hidden from prying eyes.

It was my next captain who was the first to discover the tattoo, a year later. A small group of arrancars had appeared in the outer Rukongai, and I led a team of Soul Reapers out to engage them. My captain showed up a few minutes later. Amazingly, none of the group died, although several people were badly injured. I had a long slice down my left arm, and my shihakusho sleeve had been torn off. My captain turned my arm to examine the slice, and saw the tattoo. She looked at it for a moment, then ignored it and bound my arm as the Squad Four relief team worked on those that were more seriously injured.

The tattoo was a phrase taken from the words Hisagi had told me Captain Aizen had spoken above Sokyoku Hill. It said _No One Stand on the Sky_. Both a warning, and a reassurance. Captain Oji, my captain, never asked me about it.

Captain Oji was, in a word, fun. It wasn't like she was lax and lazy, or always smiling - she was plenty strict and had an impressive temper when provoked. But when it was appropriate, she would joke around and laugh, and she always tried to make things, including paperwork and training sessions, new and interesting. She would through seemingly spontaneous practice tournaments or celebratory parties that came at just the right time for the company but for no obvious reason. She would also sit at a different table every day in the dining hall, and tried to be fair to everyone. She had a wicked sense of humor, and was quite grumpy in the morning, but was never mean. She could be stubborn about the silliest things, such as what color a particular object was, and loved to tease everyone, but not to the extent that they were extremely uncomfortable. She knew when to stop.

She was also very curious. I saw her talking with Rukia Kuchiki or Renji often, asking questions about the world of the living and the humans they had fought alongside. Ichigo Kurosaki was a topic that came up often and inspired many different expressions on both of their faces, including admiring, exasperated, happy, sad, and, most commonly, a sort of wistful nostalgia.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Ichigo Kurosaki. I didn't hate him for defeating Captain Aizen at all, even though I loved him, but I wasn't exactly ecstatic about it. It's hard to know how you feel about someone you've never met - I'd only ever seen him once, right before Toshiro stabbed me. I suppose I admired his strength, and Renji and Rukia's stories made me kind of curious. I'd've liked to have met him.

The first few months after returning to my post of lieutenant and acting captain of Fifth Company were very hard. It was a struggle to get up in the morning, a struggle to care about anything. But the tattoo helped. Every time I felt like giving up, I pushed up my sleeve and ran my eyes over the curving ink, and reminded myself that I had not always been like this, that the others were picking up their pieces and putting them back together, and that I had a duty to my company and my friends.

I got easier when a new Squad Five captain was chosen. Kumiko Oji, second daughter of a moderate noble family and former fourth seat of First Company, was chosen to lead Fifth Company by the Head Captain. Immediately, my workload lightened. I only had half as much paperwork to do, and the things that really needed a captain to get done could now be done. I had more time to rest, train, and spend with my friends - including Toshiro, who had finally started to forgive himself a little.

Toshiro was the first person I had gone to see after returning from my vacation in the world of the living. I went to his office and walked right up to him and hugged him. I could feel him stiffen, but then he relaxed a little bit, although he didn't hug me back. I left after that, wiping my eyes. After that, Toshiro was mostly normal towards me whenever we met, although he was still a little too stiff and formal, and I was usually the one who went to see him, not the other way around.

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Reveiw, please!


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